


Trust

by ArbitraryRambunctious (SheepOutTetradecagon)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen, Historical Hetalia, Human & Country Names Used, slightly angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 01:49:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8602456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheepOutTetradecagon/pseuds/ArbitraryRambunctious
Summary: Trust is something built over time. For nations, it can be a concept hard to grasp. Japan knows this, having lived for several thousand years. It is hard to achieve when you might go to war at any moment. And still, oh how he wishes he could trust like humans do. Maybe he wouldn't make as many mistakes if he could.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flightlesscrow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightlesscrow/gifts).



> A fic for my friend who suggested some Ameripan. Probably not what you wanted, but I felt like writing something historical, so I hope you liked it anyway.

He can’t remember when it happened. At first, he wasn’t there, then he was. Kiku wasn’t happy with anyone pushing at his borders at the time, except for maybe Ned. He could handle the short meetings with him, exchanging ideas and knowledge. He is grateful, because the limited conversations between them are enough. He has stayed alone for so long now. He doesn’t know anything else. What with China being pushed around like a puppet, he has no intention of falling victim for the same fate. He takes the knowledge he needs to stay updated but doesn’t allow any outsiders to get a foothold in his home. Maybe he will come out of there sometime, but for now he prefers to keep his secrets close to his heart and his borders closed. He doesn’t expect a young new nation trying to force his way into his borders.

When he first comes, Kiku tries to argue, but he has never dealt with anyone quite like him. He is brash and demanding and doesn’t seem to follow the same rules as the older nations do. Kiku isn’t sure of what he thinks about the man. He tries his best to get his opinions through, but in the end, he loses the argument and America gains access to his country. He feels confused. He feels violated. What is this? He has never been so rudely invaded in a long time. It feels wrong, and still, he can’t help but think that the American is an interesting character. He studies him closely when he is on his soil, watching as he smiles and prances around. The young are so happy. Idiotically smiling because he has yet to know bad times. He sighs hoping that the other won’t have to.

Years later, they are suddenly at war. It was subtle at first. The young nation didn’t want to be pulled into it at first, which is understandable. They are safe on their island separated from the warring countries in Europe. Japan feels his power surge. He has never been one for conquering the world, but now he feels like there is an insatiable thirst within him calling for power. Maybe it has something to do with his boss. He tries to be gentle, but war rarely is. Human lives are fragile, and in the end, he ends up breaking far too many.

He feels almost content when he bombs Alfred’s port. It feels nice to finally have something to repay him with after all those years. It feels nice to watch the other’s world go up in flames. As a nation, pity is something that comes second when one is at war. It is cruel and cold, but he can’t afford to be anything but. They are two sides of the same coin, the same earth. They are not human. Human rules cannot bind them.

It isn’t before the war is nearly over and he is on the losing side that he regrets. He can feel the excruciating pain flare up as his cities are bombed. Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Exterminated, wiped off the face of the earth permanently. He feels sick for a long time after, and he refuses to have anything to do with America in a while. It doesn’t go well.

Some are more talkative. He likes to think of himself as not an introvert, but simply more reserved than most. The western world has become so brash and unrecognizable. Before they were gentlemen, now they are almost like savages. He tries to be polite about it and accept their ways even if it confuses him greatly. He doesn’t see that many nations in the immediate time after the war. There is a lot to pay and a lot to rebuild.

* * *

The people in his towns are entering a new period. He knows that this has a good chance of prospering, and sees opportunities everywhere. He should have known it would come crashing down on him. When his visitor appears to be his earlier enemy, he is quite surprised. He finds him in a bar, completely smashed. People are starting to give him looks. Kiku apologizes for him and takes him home. He is a mess.

He doesn’t know how to act around the American. He never does. They have been enemies and allies several times throughout history. A lot of their history is bitter. Sometimes, he wonders if it might be best not to linger at it. He looks at the young man in front of him. His looks are deceiving. Kiku knows he has seen death and destruction that someone his age shouldn’t have. Nations do not have the liberty of a peaceful childhood. They grow in war times and they fall as well. Few have sprung out from peace. Kiku tries to ignore the fact that he has a person who is partly responsible for one of the most painful experiences in his life right in front of him.

He watches as he sleeps peacefully on his couch. He knows that since they first met he has been through a lot of horrid experiences. He knows that he shouldn’t hold a grudge. They have done horrible things. They all have. They haven’t always got a choice. He wonders if the circumstances were different, maybe they could have been good friends, but he is so much younger and he is inexperienced. Young nations don’t like to be called that but it is true for them all as it once was for him. He might think he has seen it all, but Kiku fears the worst is yet to come. He tries to get some sleep himself when he realizes it is not going to help anyone if he just falls asleep on the couch. He tries his best to sleep, but worry plagues his dreams. Even though he knows they have squared up, he doesn’t rule out the opportunity that he might wake up with a knife stuck deep into his back. It won’t kill him, but it will be painful to remove.

He wakes up to find that the younger nation has left his house. He can feel that he is no longer within his borders. Why had he come in the first place? Usually when a nation visit another nation’s home, they do pay a visit to the country they are visiting. It would be just like a human breaking into someone’s home and not saying sorry before leaving. Kiku doesn’t think Alfred has stolen anything, but he checks his apartment anyways. Just to be sure. He wishes to trust him of course, but it is hard to.

Trust. It is something that is hard to earn and easy to lose. He doesn’t know if he can trust him again. Kiku knows he isn’t ready for another betrayal. The previous one really made him writhe in pain for days after all. He doesn’t wish to go through that again. He knows his limits and he has no intention of causing unpleasant situation just because he can.

America visits him again. This time after a nasty earthquake. Kiku had been lying on the floor of his apartment trying to keep himself sane as his whole body shook and trembled, nearly having a seizure. That was how Alfred found him afterwards, drenched in sweat. Still shivering from the ordeal. It is nothing unusual, but it does make him feel weak.

“What are you doing here America-san?” he asks eventually. The other smiles and dishes out another story about being the hero and aiding a friend in hard times. Kiku is happy that America considers them friends. They have started to trade and it has been going well lately. It doesn’t mean Kiku is comfortable with Alfred seeing his weak side. Trust is slowly built after all.

* * *

When the news about the current situation in America’s home reaches him, he starts to feel nervous. Things have been surging all over Europe, and they are unsettled and scared. They all are. Kiku tries his best to keep his calm, knowing what the west breaking down can mean for him. They are all frustrated and afraid, and the southern nations are really pushing it. He can’t blame them. They are young. They make mistakes, and in the end, they do not have control of their inhabitant’s actions. Kiku tries his best to comfort the younger nation when they meet at a world meeting. They have all been quieter lately. As if they are all sensing impending doom approaching in near future. Francis haven’t been sending suggestive smirks to anyone and Alfred hasn’t been his usual happy self. Even younger countries than America seems to be shivering in fear of something that is to come. It isn’t only Japan and America there is a certain degree of mistrust in between anymore.

He tries his best to stay on top of his game. He knows bad times come and go. It’ll work out in the end because it always has. It just doesn’t feel like that at the moment. Kiku doesn’t say no when America offers to take him out for a few drinks on the city. Kiku doesn’t mention the fact that Alfred is physically underage. He doesn’t mention the time he found him drunk in a bar in Kyoto. He doesn’t mention anything about their past, because it hurts, and if it hadn’t been for those painful memories, he might not look at him with a twinge of fear.

They avoid the hurtful subjects and enjoy their night. They try their best to block out their fear of the future. Trying to not mention how they will suffer from the consequences long after everyone is dead. They eat in relative silence.

When they part they just say goodbye. No see you later or anything. Kiku doesn’t consider it important anyway. As nations, they are doomed to endure. They have no choice but to. It takes a lot to kill a nation. Only through eradicating people who identifies with them, they can truly disappear.

Kiku isn’t one who thinks he is immortal however. He knows he will eventually fade away. Like all the older ones who are no longer. He has had a long time already. He hopes that he will at least get to settle things with the others before he goes. He will at least try his best.

The meetings have a sense of despair to them. No one of them seem very willing to cooperate with each other and they are all accusing each other of things out of fear. Kiku can feel that it is unravelling. Their fragile system. He sometimes wishes his life was like one of his animes. A lot more simple than the complicated mess the world has become. He feels tired and lost and the collective effort doesn’t seem to be enough to save them anymore. He wants to fight, but the will is slowly fading.

When he thinks about it, America stands for many of his regrets. He was the one who pushed him into betraying his brother and throwing him into years of despair. He was the one who caused Japan one of the most painful experiences in his life. He was the one who was there and rose him out of the ashes by offering to be his trading partner. They have long since become one friendly terms, but Japan doesn’t know if he actually wants to call it trust yet. He wishes he could. He wishes he could fix everything. He wishes he could go back in time and do it all again. To keep all the people from getting hurt. To keep his relations with other nations from being damaged. To keep everything from falling apart. History is complicated. You never know what will have consequences in the far future.

He will try. He will try to fix his mistakes before it is too late. He is going to try to redeem himself. He has been wronged, but it doesn’t change the fact that he has wronged others as well. He will fix this somehow. If there is a way he will find it, cause if he can’t he doesn’t know if he can possibly go to his grave with the knowledge that he actually tried. That his existence was meant anything. He needs to know he wasn’t a big mistake.


End file.
